According to Jen

These blogs are a chance to share my thoughts, experiences and stories with others. Please be mindful that I am not professing to know it all and I am by no means saying that I am right. It is my hope that these stories, lessons and perils of thought may help or challenge your thoughts in some way. Yes, I have a business and yes I am therapist, but let’s be clear from the start that I am not trying to sell anyone anything. As a human being I am not a fan of being pushed into things, told to do something or made to feel like I am talking to sales person. I am not here to sell anything, just to share and to help. I am here to help cause I genuinely think I can help.

Sometimes I am going to write about me and sometimes I am going to write about what I have learnt from working with others. Since before I had children of my own I have always worked with children and families. I find the interactions of children and care givers and adult relationships and dynamics so fascinating. This passion has not waned and it brings me today where I hope my challenges, experiences and exposure to people can help you or someone you know in some way.

So here goes……Life is a bitch………..good times and bad times. Fun times, challenges, changes, reflections, mistakes. But I live by the notion that you learn from your mistakes and the shit that happens in your life will only make you stronger if you learn from it.

Hmmmm where to start? What to write? Should I keep this stuff for myself or should I pass on my worldly notions, useless wisdoms and highly slanted opinions to others and to my children – wonder whether reading my inner thoughts and information- that will now sit on the internet forever- will change the way they think of me in the future? Oh well, here goes……………..

The journey into late 30 something hood has been an interesting one. Life somehow changes and you see things differently. Things I thought I wouldn’t like, I like now. People who have been in my life for a long time are being pushed out of my ‘friendship door’ and I seem to look at life differently, I value my own opinions and judgements and somehow life just seems a little clearer. I turned a corner, jumped a fence and a light went off in my brain!!! I am a resilient, mindful person that focuses fiercely on strengths (but let’s be clear, I am not a robot and despite my acceptance of who I am, I do continue to make many mistakes and I have moments too where the world isn’t always peachy).

Parenthood is definitely the hardest gig I have ever entered into and remains the one entity that can give me the most amount of joy and yet the most amount of heartache all at the same time. I am mother of two children and I have learnt a lot from watching them, interacting with them and observing their behaviour – they often joke that they have been my little experiments. What I thought I wanted for them when they were born is not what I want for them now. As their mum, I want my kids to be happy, content, positive, healthy people. It doesn’t matter to me if they are rich, if they are not the smartest, not the sportiest or who they fall in love with. I suppose I have figured out that I just want them to good people. It has become my belief that it isn’t all about their grades that help shape them, it is more about nurturing their personalities and teaching them to be kind, reflective, nurturing and just good people. It is their personalities that will help them through life and allow them to grow into people that will be happy that I know I will be proud of.

From the moment they were born, there was almost this immediate pressure to have a ‘good’ baby. What that actually means is anyone’s guess? People will ask you questions about whether you breast feed or bottle feed? Whether your baby sleeps through the night? Whether your baby is talking, walking, writing, swimming etc etc- the list goes on and on. What I know now and didn’t know then is it is LOVE and TIME that actually really matters. Understanding your baby’s cues and being there-really there- in the moment is what really matters. I get that it all sounds airy fairy, but attention, laughter, time and love is all that really matters. Creating memories and exposing them to life’s adventures are all the things that count. I tested this theory a few years back when I asked my eldest what he received for his forth birthday. He contemplated for a moment and said “I can’t remember what I got for my birthday, but I remember we used to go the beach a lot with you and dad. He taught me to surf. Remember?” Kids don’t remember stuff, they remember memories and experiences and time with you.

As my children got older the competition among parents continued to silently exist. I still see it and hear amongst the sporting arenas and at school (these are the times I am grateful I am working mum but my clients tell me their experiences and I understand that it is still there, fierce as ever). “My son got mostly A’s this term. What did your child get?” or “how did they go in NAPLAN?” – who cares!!!!!!!!!!! My father always taught me that he would be proud of me as long as I tried my best and this is one of the firm values that I still hold true and hope to pass on to my children to embrace and really understand. To be truthfully honest when I see my children’s report cards, I don’t really care. Well, to be fair it gives me a gauge of where they are at and whether they are paying attention in class. Don’t get me wrong, I want them to learn and try hard, but school is only a small part of their life and I have learnt that it is not a determinant of success. Who defines success anyway? What makes someone successful? Earning lots of money? Having lots of stuff? Getting married? Having children? FYI none of these items alone determine success. What determines success –according to jen – and what I would like to share, is that success is defined only by YOU!!! You determine your destiny, you determine your success and only you can determine your happiness. Success is a feeling.

Don’t get me wrong, schooling and education set foundations for growth, but it is life’s lessons, mistakes and seizing opportunities that determine success. I guess what I am hoping is that my success will be my kids. My success will be my role as their mum. My success will be their happiness and whether I fulfil my end of the bargain in helping them to become positive, happy, healthy people.

 “Motivated people – Have a dream. Love their goal. Show passion and enthusiasm. Have a plan. Activate their plan. Stay positive. Never give up”

– Jen