Sleep Deprivation – Worst Torture Ever!!!

According to Jen,

As the name of my blog suggests, I have a theory about sleep deprivation and how the land of modern day has perhaps unintentionally made shit worse for women after they have had children………….. read my comparison below and may your mind ponder a little.

In the 70’s and 80’s when women had babies, their little bundles were whisked away and taken to a nursery.  Babies were brought to their mums to feed and then back to the nursery to be burped and put to sleep. Mums had time for their battered vaginas to heal, they had time to learn to breast feed and more importantly they had time to sleep!!! After 7-10 day’s mum could walk without feeling like she had split in two, she conquered the art of breast feeding and then blissfully skipped out of hospital.
Fast forward 40 years and women are handed their babies straight after birth, left to somehow innately learn to cuddle, soothe and feed and walk around in pain after a vaginal birth or C-section. Usually the milk supply hasn’t come in yet, the adrenaline starts to fade and then BAM!!!!!!- time to be shafted from hospital and sent home to deal with a cute baby who cries, is learning to feed and won’t let you sleep!!!

Modern day sleep deprivation is a killer and I feel underestimated as to how it can make a reasonable person become unreasonable; how it can make you feel like a crazy person; how it can make even the strongest person crumble to a heap into a blubbering mess and how it can make you say and do shit you wouldn’t normally do. I remember thinking I would give my left arm if I could just sleep for a few consistent hours!

Now I pride myself in being able to help people but I have to be honest and say I can’t fix this issue. Issues around sending women home from hospital so quickly after birth is a systemic issue that I unfortunately don’t have that kind of influence over. Sleep deprivation is a killer and it . The only thing I can say that may shed an ounce of positivity, is that it does pass. Sleep deprivation after a having a baby doesn’t last forever – I can promise you that.

What has always surprised me about child birth and stories of new babies is how once I had a baby I was expected to ‘forget’ the pain, gush over a new cute dependent who required 100% attention and focus on the fact that this awesome being relied on me for absolutely everything.  My brain however, forgot to read that memo and was stuck in ‘holy shit I just had a baby…. now what?’

These new overwhelming feelings do pass, but don’t underestimate what sleep deprivation can do to you. In the midst of the craziness and awesomeness of it all, think about considering the following:

• Rely on family and friends. People often genuinely want to help but don’t know what you want help with. Someone women want friends to hold the baby while they scurry around doing housework. Others want help with the housework and cooking so they can cuddle and enjoy their baby. Be specific and put your hand up.
• You need time to heal – UMMMMM hello your body has just gone through a tremendous amount of pain. Be kind to it.
• You are in unknown territory and it is a steep learning curve. When your baby arrives, you are like a first-year apprentice and learning on the job each day.
• Looking after baby isn’t easy. Let’s be real. Having a baby and caring for it in the first 3-6 months is a tough gig.
• Pressure to breast feed is intense and insane!
• Breast feeding is tricky (variables to consider are your baby, their ability to suck, your own breast, its size, the shape and generally how you feel about it). It takes time and practice and it is ok to ask for help.
• Try breast feeding in different positions. Talk to midwives, child health nurses, parent groups, parent lines etc. Please, please, please remember that Google is not always your friend. Too much information is overwhelming and trying to find the exact information that paints the picture of your baby is exhausting. Sometimes less is more. Facebook isn’t always the best place for advice either. It is always full of happy babies and mothers who pretend to have their shit together and boast of stories of how their baby sleeps 12 hours a night and how beautiful their birth was – the reality is so far from the stuff that it written sometimes.
• If you choose to bottle feed than good for you. My motto is and always has been, Happy mum happy baby. Happy baby happy mum. I am yet to find any evidence that suggests that children are happier or more educated with breast milk than bottle fed babies. And by the time your kids are in school and then become teenagers no one ever says “oh that is because your child wasn’t breast fed”. No one cares and no one can tell the difference. Do what is right for you.

Dads play a huge role too. They often have a few days or a few weeks off and then BAM they go back to work. Between hormones and sleep deprivation our moods can fluctuate from, ‘We miss you and then we hate you’. Men often get to go back to work, talk to other adults, have your coffee break, go to the toilet alone and have lunch. And as a new mum at home, those small luxuries like talking to adults and weeing in peace are suddenly gone. We love you but hate you and relationships are tested -It is all normal.
Having a supportive partner is the key to sailing through the storm. Remember as women we have nine months to get ready for baby and poor dads really only start when the baby is born. Allow each other time to talk about what you need, what you miss and think about how you both have coped previously when things have sucked. How did you resolve conflict in the past?  I am fairly certain most partners don’t get. It isn’t their fault, they just don’t and they have to be reminded time and time again about what you need and want. Saying ‘I need help’ usually isn’t enough, it might need to sound something like “I need to you bath and feed baby so I can cook dinner” or “I need sleep, you are going to have to do one of the feeds tonight”.

Now as a mother of two teenagers when I walk around the shopping centers and see women with their new babies, I don’t look at the cute little bundle anymore, I think to myself ‘you poor bitch, I hope you are getting enough sleep or I hope at least you are doing okay?’

It does get better I promise you that and sleep deprivation doesn’t last forever.

 I never know what to say when people ask what my hobbies are. I mean I am a mum. I enjoy trips to the bathroom alone and silence.